And then the very good stuff...

Here's a list of the cool shit I did in my last two weeks of Palm Springs:

1. I wrote about and met this awesome chick, Audra Mae, who performed at another Upright Cabaret production, which I, of course, went to and they sat me at a table of fabulous gays from Austin, TX, so naturally I fell head over heels in love with the hot boy who sat next to me, who was there with his boyfriend. I also learned that gay men do sometimes have straight crushes so there's that. Anyway, all the performers were awesome. I laughed, I cried, I flirted mercilessly with unavailable men... just another night. Here's some photos somebody else took.

2. Went on a date with high school boyfriend #83. And it was... really cool. I think I might've actually shortchanged the man previously, because he ended up being rather great. Who knew old guys could be so much fun?

3. My mom and her friend took me to this AMAZING place in the high desert by Joshua Tree called Pioneertown (pictured above). It's basically this old movie set they used for Westerns in the late 1940's. I'm totally gonna go back and stay at the Motel (that's the "office" pictured above, next to the truck) and write a book, Hunter S. Thompson-style, while I'm drunk from time spent at Pappy & Harriet's (that's the women's restroom pictured there, too).

Life is a cabaret, old chum...

So I was stressed out at work in Palm Springs, and I was stressed out about having to deal with the Sublet O' Hell in SF, and living at the parents' house had taken another disturbing turn.

They had sex. Loudly.

It's funny, you know, how you can wear ear plugs or headphones and still somehow you simply can't block out the sounds of carnal activity. It must be a primal thing. In any case, it was MY PARENTS. And it was Gee-ROSS.

The next morning I woke up with a monster head cold. Go figure. But I wasn't gonna let it stop me from attending the cabaret, darling. It was going to be at my new favorite hotel, The Viceroy, and it was the one thing I'd been looking forward to since I'd met the producers of Upright Cabaret the month before, and wrote a Desert Post Weekly cover story about it, which I'd love to link here but apparently you have to purchase the archived article. Whatever. Here's the abbreviated online version.

Um, so yeah... MAJOR crush on the producer dudes--they are FABULOUS! So charming, so handsome, so much style and class. Of course they're gay, my friends.

But you know who wasn't gay? The Viceroy's general manager, and object of yet another of my most famous major crushes. The man was the ultimate charmer, also handsome, so freakin' funny, with that awesome Australian accent, a sparkle in his blue eyes AND the man is a CHEF!! You know how I love the foodies. But yeah... he's married. Also, of course. Such is life in Palm fucking Springs.

So I took some crazy naturopathic meds that didn't do shit and bundled myself up in order to survive the frigid winter cold temps of the lo-desert--the cabaret was gonna be set up outdoors, poolside.

And the ambience was incredible. The guys did an awesome job of setting up a cozy, glamorous stage and intimate tables with individual outdoor heaters. They had reserved a table for me all to myself that was ideally situated up front and just off to the side. Then they started me off with this amazing spread of cheeses and roasted veggies and hummus and olives and... I did feel a little weird sitting at this VIP table all by myself, eating from this huge plate o' goods. But then Mr. Wonderful, the GM, came and sat with me, feeding and serving me like a queen from the next several plates of deliciousness, regaling me with tales of his fantastic fabulousness and just generally damn near charming the thermal underwear right off me.

His wife must be very nice.

But anyway, the show was great. There were five performers, most of whom had extensive Broadway backgrounds, and they were all very, very, skin-tingling good. There were some holiday songs, there was some wholesomely naughty banter, there was some crazy ridiculous raw talent. So I was really glad I went.

The next morning at 6 a.m. I hopped on a plane for San Francisco.