Sunday, November 11, 2007

Boozin' and Shmoozin' in the desert...







The past four days I've sorta been M.I.A., as I was buried in the trenches of shmooze at the 2nd annual Art of Food and Wine Festival Palm Desert. The Desert Sun deemed me as their sole reporter for the event, as so I set forth to uncover and uncork (haHA! oh yes, the puns overfloweth) the various elements--people, food, wine and the salacious shenanigans as a consequence of combining all three--of the event, which was really a lot like the Food and Wine Festival in Kapalua on Maui.

I was most looking forward to the opening night--a chocolate and champagne reception outside by the fountain at the grand McCallum Theater. But I was a little put off by the snobbery and mass that prohibited free flowin' and choco-munchin'; i.e. Get yer goddamn camera crew outta the way so I can sample some o' that dark chocolate-bacon-mint truffle!

Yeah, actually, that one was not so good. But the dark chocolate with Earl Grey Tea caramel was excellent, as was the pomegranante white chocolate with lavendar butterscotch that promptly exploded all over my amply displayed cleavage, perhaps partially explaining the scornful looks I was getting from all the blonde bedazzled boob-lifted muckety mucks. I ignored them as I devoured the ambrosial hot cacao drink made by this cool lady, Elaine Gonzalez, and stuffed discs of Mexican chocolate from Ixtapa into my purse.

Then this dude tried to get all in my game and somehow badgered me into sitting with him by the fountain and telling me his story, which was fine 'cause he was sorta attractive and seemed smart if not a bit egomaniacal and intense (I was reminded of a certain musician/actor I once dated, rather briefly, on Maui) but--and please forgive me if this seems sexist, 'cuz it totally is--I forgave him of his blatant obnoxiousness because I thought he was gay. And then, much to my surprise, he leaned in for the kiss, and I gave him my cheek, and he slitheringly asked for my number and mumbled something about really "liking" me because he's a Pisces and he just "knows" right away about these things.

Um, yeah no.

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